Extended Breast Feeding

Want to hear it from someone besides me. Hear it is:

Breastfeeding beyond Infancy

More to be said later...

So... Poolesvillians.... I'm speechless... Because I was there in so many ways... and I wonder who knew how I felt. Was it obvious? Was it hidden? I understand a bit better why I chicken out about putting a reunion together, understand when I really remember.
Single Dad Laughing: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid

Too many Ideas, not enough time

I have a post article written up in my head maybe every other day, but I'm currently letting life get way too far into the way. I will try to sort out my thoughts and sit down to get them out sometime over the next few days... Crossing my fingers.

ummm...

Why I can't have mom Friends, or something like that

I really do think I'm better about it than that, but this is so true, thanks Weslie for sharing on Facebook.

Not Just Pretty

Lately I have thought much of something my father said, and of something our Pediatrician said and somehow right now I see the thin line of truth emerging from my confusion. My father wants me to know I don't have to just make babies. When I mentioned my hard time letting a 3rd baby go into the mist I had not thought of what he might say to it. I think I was looking for consolation of a daughters confused dreams and sensible priorities. Instead he said you don't have to just keep making babies, or something like that. I suppose what matter is not what was said but what I heard. The is honesty.

The pediatrician said something about how he was fond of sleep, isn't liking my co-sleeping ways and wanted not just I but my one year old daughter to sleep through the night. I had hopes of congratulations and admiration for the dedicated ways I am raising my children, no expense or sacrifice too great...

Or how about the friend who really really really wants my to cry out my child at night so we can all get better sleep...

Somewhere deep inside of me a weak voice cries out - "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND"

This sacrifice is all I have. It is how I honor my female. I want to be all the mother I can be RIGHT NOW. I want to hold babies, my babies and feed them all night. I want to be a babie momma while I can. This will pass this will leave me behind and I want to know I that I lived this time Fiercely. I want to know that I did it all, fell in love, lost sleep, fell somemore, suckled my children, lived their wounds , was totally present and here and maintained presence for them.

Being for them isn't a badge I wear and show for the sake of others. I'm not trying to do this to show off, of live "no life" or be a walking sacrifice. As much as I needed to breast feed after a c section stole womanhood from me for three years... I will not let modern life, other views steal motherhood from me. It Will PASS! It is fleeting. I must do this while I can...

So when my daughter cries I go to her, always there will be a reason, even if I don't understand... and I pray that when she is 15 and crying I go to her, if she will have me, and even if I don't understand, be there for her... not shush her or ignore her.

I can't ignore my children... I couldn't sleep at night at all knowing they thought they needed me... so I loose some sleep now, call me crazy, baby momma that I am.

Not Just Pretty

Moby Magic

Saw a new one today... A stay at home dad with a four week old baby wrapped up in a Moby, worn properly and sound asleep.

Now I have seen babies worn by dads, my own hubby for one loves to wear his younger ones. What was new to me was the whole stay at home dad who seemed so like me... last summer. Out wearing one baby to let the other one play. So neet to see how cool modern dads really have become and in someways I like to see this as the great new norm.

And before we get all freaked out that the mom, and her breasts, were away at work, he talked about his wifes lost sleep and her commitment to pumping etc. What an awesome committed family with a total of four kiddos. Hurray to you both.

Food Porn

No not Porn, not if I don't show you the amount of butter that goes into a full batch of scones. Let me present the food spread at Cora's Birthday Party.
This is my Sonoma Chicken Salad on the left, Herb Cream Cheese sandwiches on the right.
Lemon Tea Cookies... came out a bit dark, but were surprisingly well liked.
Experimental Raspberry-Clove Iced Tea, Sally Fallon Carrot Cake, a tradition.
Ah, yes do you see them now... my best batch of Whoopie Pies, YUM! And my Maple-Oat-Nut Scones... Which leads into something naughty.
Ok now for the afortomentioned shocking material ...Now to go flush out your arteries... no more Ice Cream, eat lots of raw garlic and ginger.

MWAH (Thats for you Nancy!)

My Life in Food

The picture loaded in reverse chronological order but they still tell a story I think, no matter the order. I was just wondering why I photograph the food I cook. More and more I find adventures in the kitchen give me a grounding into what I really am doing with my life these days. OF course we eat it and then usually it is forgotten. Kinda sucks to do something so useful pretty well. Not like an engineer who gets to drive over his own Bridge once in a while. What I do passes over the palate, yet there is adventure, struggle and beauty in it all.

For example, on a whim the family voted for some homemade eclairs when I mentioned
I had found a recipe, and a darn good one too. This led to a 7:30 pm grocery run and a delayed bedtime but it was so worth it.With Cora on my hip I sliced them open and Mark folded the custard while Grady watched and helped. Was so nice for the family to make such a treat together.

I expected to see a fabulous difference between industrial eggs and local free range eggs. Celeste Alber's Green Grocer egg on the left and Egglands Best on the right. So easy to see which chicken actually goes outside, grazes and eats a few bugs.
What I didn't expect from Green Grocer was a set of double yolks the other morning. Side by side in the crate. Imagine the odds. (Based on a story of a woman who encountered 6 double yolkers the calculation for the odds is one in every 1,000 has a double yolk, then take 1,000 to the power of two since I encountered two. Apparently one in one million!) I turned to Mark and said "things have got to be looking up now!"
My spread for Grady's Fourth Birthday Party had to somehow Be Monkey-Pirate, with bananas and Ham I had fun trying to pull this one off.
What was really fun was designing and running full steam ahead with a Monkey cake. So proud of this one, I love surprising myself, and it tasted pretty good too. Mostly banana cake with some yellow cake, and whipped icing as the filling, with bananas on the banana side. Chocolate and Mocha Butter-cream Frosting finished it off and worked well with the banana!
My herb cream cheese creations, yummm!
homemade herb cream cheese, hummus and a cucumber in a pita pocket. Try it!

Break a toe, Nurse a Baby!

In a nut shell

My Back

I have this distinct memory of when my son was about five months old. Every morning when I got out of bed I couldn't stand up straight, physically impossible, for at least half an hour. After a lot of pain and failed attempts to accept the pain I came to a sad conclusion. How I picked up my son and the frequency with which I had to bend over and pick him up, and the amount of time I carried him around had to change.

I adjusted the lift, used more knees. I sat down before I picked him up. I sat down more when he wanted to be held. I adjusted, I made it work and I slowly improved the quality of my life again. There was a down side however. Changing the way I held my son meant that I had to slow down, sit more, do less. It gave an exaggerated enormity to a feeling I was already struggling with. When I have a small child I largely feel like I am running in mud. A feeling that I will never move fast again. That all things I want to get done will never in fact be concluded again.

Life moved on. I lived in a constant state of frustration. When he learned to walk I cheered. Then I realized that I would have to stand and wait for him and walk slow. This phase was followed by various incarnations of "I do it mommy" phases where I had to watch, with mounting senses that nothing would ever get "done".

Now that son is four. I have a Chiropractor. I have a ten month old. My back lasted longer this time, but it is about to give out on me for good. My days of multitasking are limited and numbered. Creeping in is the sense that I am running in mud. Breathlessly getting absolutely no where, all the time. I'm also getting the distinct feeling that I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Maybe slowing down is a good thing. Maybe I can learn to watch my child move in slow motion with more compassion and joy. Maybe.

Maybe I will just learn to calm down a bit more and philosophically not change much at all. Time will tell. So will my back.

Changes

So, it is done, I have weaned Grady. Some may say "finally", heck even I say it a wee bit. But lets all remember I firmly believed in what I was doing, until I was ready to end it. At three years and seven months Gradys immune system may still not be entirely mature, depends on who you are listening to. Anyway the most interesting part was what Grady said to me just before he fell asleep the first night I declined. "Mommy I want it and I don't want it."
He is looking for new reassurances, and likes to watch Cora nurse more intently now, but it is as if he is passing the torch, lovingly.

Been Photographing my cooking lately

Keep thinkning I'm going to be able get pictures of cooking with the kids into a recipie scrapbook.

Red Beans and Rice, wow new favorite!

Homemade Bread... Grady had to wait all day to punch it down.

Maple Oat-Nut Scones, very good!