Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Very Early Miscarriage

I'm going to be frank and perhaps graphic. Don't read this if you are a squirmer, I'm not there to stop you.

I had a very early miscarriage yesterday. So early I feel a bit mixed about telling others, and that is a real shame. Surely not knowing you have something when you loose it should make it fairly easy to get over, but I'm a bit more complicated then that. Now that I know I have lost a pregancy I have already decided it was my fault because I drank to much caffiene. I am again doubting my bodies abilities while simultaneously telling myself nature knows best. In a word it is complicated.

I have searched all over the net to find confirmation that it was a lost pregnancy. There is very little information out there, perhaps because it is more common than we know and very private.

My loss passed while I slept one day into what I thought was a slightly off beginning to a normal menstrual cycle. I woke up, went to the bathroom and while wiping discovered an object the size of a small grape. No other clots were present, just this lone, perfectly formed round thing with something that looked like egg white attached to one end. I am very sure this was not "just a clot" by it's shear size and shape. The substance on the end of it I assume was the meager beginnings of an amniotic sac.

I can't find pictures to support what I know, but I can find charts. On top of passing this obeject my "period" stopped. I now feel some cramping, but am experiencing no bleeding. Again this confirms for me that this was a very early miscarriage and not a period. I imagine this did not even manage to attach itself.

I am writing about it to share my experience and add to the information pool on "very early" miscarriages.

I am experiencing a sense of loss, though I am not devastated. We have been trying to concieve for about four months now so I am dissapointed. I suppose I should simply feel encouraged that I lost this pregnacy very early, before I got attached to the idea of a pregnancy and child. Also it is nice to know my husband and I can concieve, and I will just have to trust that God thought it wasn't the right time or space for that particular pregnancy.

UPDATE: After discussing the circumstances of my pressumed miscarriage with my midwife (OBGYN) I have learned that without a pathology work up on what I passed that it could not be confirmed. However she did say that from everything I described it was most likely a very early miscarriage, and that it most likely did not implant very well in the first place. Mark asked me if I wanted to name it. I haven't decide yet. One thing I can say is that I'm not feeling too romantic and that in my mind we are going to stop "trying" for a couple of months. I need a break from the stress I have been putting on myself to make this happen.

No comments: