Would Love to See Healthy Breastfeeding supported on Sesame Street again.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JFNwbc0X7GI Maria feeds Gabriella
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7-L-Fg7lWgQ Buffy Feeds the Baby
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Monday, June 06, 2011
Found a great post about crying in a pile on your bedroom floor.
I remember being broken and oddly finding the light there... it just takes time to see sometimes.
I remember being broken and oddly finding the light there... it just takes time to see sometimes.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Wednesday, October 06, 2010
More to be said later...
So... Poolesvillians.... I'm speechless... Because I was there in so many ways... and I wonder who knew how I felt. Was it obvious? Was it hidden? I understand a bit better why I chicken out about putting a reunion together, understand when I really remember.
Single Dad Laughing: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid
Single Dad Laughing: Memoirs of a Bullied Kid
Too many Ideas, not enough time
I have a post article written up in my head maybe every other day, but I'm currently letting life get way too far into the way. I will try to sort out my thoughts and sit down to get them out sometime over the next few days... Crossing my fingers.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
ummm...
Why I can't have mom Friends, or something like that
I really do think I'm better about it than that, but this is so true, thanks Weslie for sharing on Facebook.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Not Just Pretty
Lately I have thought much of something my father said, and of something our Pediatrician said and somehow right now I see the thin line of truth emerging from my confusion. My father wants me to know I don't have to just make babies. When I mentioned my hard time letting a 3rd baby go into the mist I had not thought of what he might say to it. I think I was looking for consolation of a daughters confused dreams and sensible priorities. Instead he said you don't have to just keep making babies, or something like that. I suppose what matter is not what was said but what I heard. The is honesty.
The pediatrician said something about how he was fond of sleep, isn't liking my co-sleeping ways and wanted not just I but my one year old daughter to sleep through the night. I had hopes of congratulations and admiration for the dedicated ways I am raising my children, no expense or sacrifice too great...
Or how about the friend who really really really wants my to cry out my child at night so we can all get better sleep...
Somewhere deep inside of me a weak voice cries out - "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND"
This sacrifice is all I have. It is how I honor my female. I want to be all the mother I can be RIGHT NOW. I want to hold babies, my babies and feed them all night. I want to be a babie momma while I can. This will pass this will leave me behind and I want to know I that I lived this time Fiercely. I want to know that I did it all, fell in love, lost sleep, fell somemore, suckled my children, lived their wounds , was totally present and here and maintained presence for them.
Being for them isn't a badge I wear and show for the sake of others. I'm not trying to do this to show off, of live "no life" or be a walking sacrifice. As much as I needed to breast feed after a c section stole womanhood from me for three years... I will not let modern life, other views steal motherhood from me. It Will PASS! It is fleeting. I must do this while I can...
So when my daughter cries I go to her, always there will be a reason, even if I don't understand... and I pray that when she is 15 and crying I go to her, if she will have me, and even if I don't understand, be there for her... not shush her or ignore her.
I can't ignore my children... I couldn't sleep at night at all knowing they thought they needed me... so I loose some sleep now, call me crazy, baby momma that I am.
Not Just Pretty
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
Moby Magic
Saw a new one today... A stay at home dad with a four week old baby wrapped up in a Moby, worn properly and sound asleep.
Now I have seen babies worn by dads, my own hubby for one loves to wear his younger ones. What was new to me was the whole stay at home dad who seemed so like me... last summer. Out wearing one baby to let the other one play. So neet to see how cool modern dads really have become and in someways I like to see this as the great new norm.
And before we get all freaked out that the mom, and her breasts, were away at work, he talked about his wifes lost sleep and her commitment to pumping etc. What an awesome committed family with a total of four kiddos. Hurray to you both.
Now I have seen babies worn by dads, my own hubby for one loves to wear his younger ones. What was new to me was the whole stay at home dad who seemed so like me... last summer. Out wearing one baby to let the other one play. So neet to see how cool modern dads really have become and in someways I like to see this as the great new norm.
And before we get all freaked out that the mom, and her breasts, were away at work, he talked about his wifes lost sleep and her commitment to pumping etc. What an awesome committed family with a total of four kiddos. Hurray to you both.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Food Porn
No not Porn, not if I don't show you the amount of butter that goes into a full batch of scones. Let me present the food spread at Cora's Birthday Party.
This is my Sonoma Chicken Salad on the left, Herb Cream Cheese sandwiches on the right.
Lemon Tea Cookies... came out a bit dark, but were surprisingly well liked.
Experimental Raspberry-Clove Iced Tea, Sally Fallon Carrot Cake, a tradition.
Ah, yes do you see them now... my best batch of Whoopie Pies, YUM! And my Maple-Oat-Nut Scones... Which leads into something naughty.
Ok now for the afortomentioned shocking material ...
Now to go flush out your arteries... no more Ice Cream, eat lots of raw garlic and ginger.
MWAH (Thats for you Nancy!)
This is my Sonoma Chicken Salad on the left, Herb Cream Cheese sandwiches on the right.
Lemon Tea Cookies... came out a bit dark, but were surprisingly well liked.
Experimental Raspberry-Clove Iced Tea, Sally Fallon Carrot Cake, a tradition.
Ah, yes do you see them now... my best batch of Whoopie Pies, YUM! And my Maple-Oat-Nut Scones... Which leads into something naughty.
Ok now for the afortomentioned shocking material ...
Now to go flush out your arteries... no more Ice Cream, eat lots of raw garlic and ginger.MWAH (Thats for you Nancy!)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
My Life in Food
The picture loaded in reverse chronological order but they still tell a story I think, no matter the order. I was just wondering why I photograph the food I cook. More and more I find adventures in the kitchen give me a grounding into what I really am doing with my life these days. OF course we eat it and then usually it is forgotten. Kinda sucks to do something so useful pretty well. Not like an engineer who gets to drive over his own Bridge once in a while. What I do passes over the palate, yet there is adventure, struggle and beauty in it all.
For example, on a whim the family voted for some homemade eclairs when I mentioned
I had found a recipe, and a darn good one too. This led to a 7:30 pm grocery run and a delayed bedtime but it was so worth it.
With Cora on my hip I sliced them open and Mark folded the custard while Grady watched and helped. Was so nice for the family to make such a treat together.
I expected to see a fabulous difference between industrial eggs and local free range eggs. Celeste Alber's Green Grocer egg on the left and Egglands Best on the right. So easy to see which chicken actually goes outside, grazes and eats a few bugs.
What I didn't expect from Green Grocer was a set of double yolks the other morning. Side by side in the crate. Imagine the odds. (Based on a story of a woman who encountered 6 double yolkers the calculation for the odds is one in every 1,000 has a double yolk, then take 1,000 to the power of two since I encountered two. Apparently one in one million!) I turned to Mark and said "things have got to be looking up now!"
My spread for Grady's Fourth Birthday Party had to somehow Be Monkey-Pirate, with bananas and Ham I had fun trying to pull this one off.
What was really fun was designing and running full steam ahead with a Monkey cake. So proud of this one, I love surprising myself, and it tasted pretty good too. Mostly banana cake with some yellow cake, and whipped icing as the filling, with bananas on the banana side. Chocolate and Mocha Butter-cream Frosting finished it off and worked well with the banana!
My herb cream cheese creations, yummm!
homemade herb cream cheese, hummus and a cucumber in a pita pocket. Try it!
For example, on a whim the family voted for some homemade eclairs when I mentioned
I had found a recipe, and a darn good one too. This led to a 7:30 pm grocery run and a delayed bedtime but it was so worth it.
With Cora on my hip I sliced them open and Mark folded the custard while Grady watched and helped. Was so nice for the family to make such a treat together.
I expected to see a fabulous difference between industrial eggs and local free range eggs. Celeste Alber's Green Grocer egg on the left and Egglands Best on the right. So easy to see which chicken actually goes outside, grazes and eats a few bugs.
What I didn't expect from Green Grocer was a set of double yolks the other morning. Side by side in the crate. Imagine the odds. (Based on a story of a woman who encountered 6 double yolkers the calculation for the odds is one in every 1,000 has a double yolk, then take 1,000 to the power of two since I encountered two. Apparently one in one million!) I turned to Mark and said "things have got to be looking up now!"
My spread for Grady's Fourth Birthday Party had to somehow Be Monkey-Pirate, with bananas and Ham I had fun trying to pull this one off.
What was really fun was designing and running full steam ahead with a Monkey cake. So proud of this one, I love surprising myself, and it tasted pretty good too. Mostly banana cake with some yellow cake, and whipped icing as the filling, with bananas on the banana side. Chocolate and Mocha Butter-cream Frosting finished it off and worked well with the banana!
My herb cream cheese creations, yummm!
homemade herb cream cheese, hummus and a cucumber in a pita pocket. Try it!
Friday, July 16, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
My Back
I have this distinct memory of when my son was about five months old. Every morning when I got out of bed I couldn't stand up straight, physically impossible, for at least half an hour. After a lot of pain and failed attempts to accept the pain I came to a sad conclusion. How I picked up my son and the frequency with which I had to bend over and pick him up, and the amount of time I carried him around had to change.
I adjusted the lift, used more knees. I sat down before I picked him up. I sat down more when he wanted to be held. I adjusted, I made it work and I slowly improved the quality of my life again. There was a down side however. Changing the way I held my son meant that I had to slow down, sit more, do less. It gave an exaggerated enormity to a feeling I was already struggling with. When I have a small child I largely feel like I am running in mud. A feeling that I will never move fast again. That all things I want to get done will never in fact be concluded again.
Life moved on. I lived in a constant state of frustration. When he learned to walk I cheered. Then I realized that I would have to stand and wait for him and walk slow. This phase was followed by various incarnations of "I do it mommy" phases where I had to watch, with mounting senses that nothing would ever get "done".
Now that son is four. I have a Chiropractor. I have a ten month old. My back lasted longer this time, but it is about to give out on me for good. My days of multitasking are limited and numbered. Creeping in is the sense that I am running in mud. Breathlessly getting absolutely no where, all the time. I'm also getting the distinct feeling that I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Maybe slowing down is a good thing. Maybe I can learn to watch my child move in slow motion with more compassion and joy. Maybe.
Maybe I will just learn to calm down a bit more and philosophically not change much at all. Time will tell. So will my back.
I adjusted the lift, used more knees. I sat down before I picked him up. I sat down more when he wanted to be held. I adjusted, I made it work and I slowly improved the quality of my life again. There was a down side however. Changing the way I held my son meant that I had to slow down, sit more, do less. It gave an exaggerated enormity to a feeling I was already struggling with. When I have a small child I largely feel like I am running in mud. A feeling that I will never move fast again. That all things I want to get done will never in fact be concluded again.
Life moved on. I lived in a constant state of frustration. When he learned to walk I cheered. Then I realized that I would have to stand and wait for him and walk slow. This phase was followed by various incarnations of "I do it mommy" phases where I had to watch, with mounting senses that nothing would ever get "done".
Now that son is four. I have a Chiropractor. I have a ten month old. My back lasted longer this time, but it is about to give out on me for good. My days of multitasking are limited and numbered. Creeping in is the sense that I am running in mud. Breathlessly getting absolutely no where, all the time. I'm also getting the distinct feeling that I didn't learn my lesson the first time. Maybe slowing down is a good thing. Maybe I can learn to watch my child move in slow motion with more compassion and joy. Maybe.
Maybe I will just learn to calm down a bit more and philosophically not change much at all. Time will tell. So will my back.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Changes
So, it is done, I have weaned Grady. Some may say "finally", heck even I say it a wee bit. But lets all remember I firmly believed in what I was doing, until I was ready to end it. At three years and seven months Gradys immune system may still not be entirely mature, depends on who you are listening to. Anyway the most interesting part was what Grady said to me just before he fell asleep the first night I declined. "Mommy I want it and I don't want it."
He is looking for new reassurances, and likes to watch Cora nurse more intently now, but it is as if he is passing the torch, lovingly.
He is looking for new reassurances, and likes to watch Cora nurse more intently now, but it is as if he is passing the torch, lovingly.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Been Photographing my cooking lately
Keep thinkning I'm going to be able get pictures of cooking with the kids into a recipie scrapbook.
Red Beans and Rice, wow new favorite!
Homemade Bread... Grady had to wait all day to punch it down.
Maple Oat-Nut Scones, very good!Wednesday, October 28, 2009
CDC Changes
So here is a compelling question.
If the CDC continues to find that they are losing the confidence of the American public by sticking to their agressive vaccine schedules could they create options.
We understand the importance of breastfeeding to the development of the immune system of babies and children. Babies not breast fed face greater vulnerablity to an array of diseases from ear infection to Lukemia.
Though advertizements would have us believe otherwise there is no substitute for colostrum or breast milk when it comes to developing and supporting immune function. Not only does the initial colostrum fire up the immune system but the continued breast feeding relationship is a living laboratory in which the mothers body, encountering all the germs and stresses that her baby does, continues to provide timely and specific immune protections.
Families across the country are experiencing severe adverse reactions to vaccines administered on the CDC schedule. Aside from the discussion of vaccine preservatives is the genuine concern amongst parent over the onslot of disease the newborn will have injected into their immature body and immune system. Those who intend to delay vaccinations often find themselves not vaccinating.
Knowing all this it could be medically wise to supply a more relaxed and patient vaccination schedule for breast feeding families. If the CDC could create a schedule for the exclusively breast fed baby I believe they would find a double bonus. More families would return to vaccinating their children instead of being terrified by agressive schedules. I believe also that the message would be clear to those who wish to forgo vaccinations. Breastfeeding can protect and save babies.
If the CDC continues to find that they are losing the confidence of the American public by sticking to their agressive vaccine schedules could they create options.
We understand the importance of breastfeeding to the development of the immune system of babies and children. Babies not breast fed face greater vulnerablity to an array of diseases from ear infection to Lukemia.
Though advertizements would have us believe otherwise there is no substitute for colostrum or breast milk when it comes to developing and supporting immune function. Not only does the initial colostrum fire up the immune system but the continued breast feeding relationship is a living laboratory in which the mothers body, encountering all the germs and stresses that her baby does, continues to provide timely and specific immune protections.
Families across the country are experiencing severe adverse reactions to vaccines administered on the CDC schedule. Aside from the discussion of vaccine preservatives is the genuine concern amongst parent over the onslot of disease the newborn will have injected into their immature body and immune system. Those who intend to delay vaccinations often find themselves not vaccinating.
Knowing all this it could be medically wise to supply a more relaxed and patient vaccination schedule for breast feeding families. If the CDC could create a schedule for the exclusively breast fed baby I believe they would find a double bonus. More families would return to vaccinating their children instead of being terrified by agressive schedules. I believe also that the message would be clear to those who wish to forgo vaccinations. Breastfeeding can protect and save babies.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Cora's Birth
Coralynn is here.
AFTER 4 weeks of prodromal labor and 3 days of Latent Labor (3-5 min apart 1 min long, sessions usually all night) and 18 hours active labor... only 45 min of pushing... here she is!!!
No induction, no pitocin (until after for bleeding), just a membrane sweep after the 2 1/2 days of exhausting "real" labor.
The most amazing VBAC Success. I want to extend a very special THANK YOU to every single mother out there who has ever written her birth story down, posted pictures and videos or openly shared wishes, regrets, experiences and plans. My head was so full of ideas that I navigated this exhausting time suprisingly well. Bless you all.
August 28th, 3:07 pm
Coralynn Eleanor Micheal
9 lbs 3 oz, 21 inches long
42 wks 4 days gestation
Labored Monday night 9p-5am 3-5 min appart...petered out.
Tuesday sent my son to relatives expecting that was hold me back - nothing but some good sleep interupted by not as strong 10m apart contractions.
Wenesday night, nursed my son to bed - contrax started...5 then 3 min then 2 minutes apart... I called the doula who arrived at 3am and confirmed labor. Before dawn it began spacing and petering out. She went home around 9:30am exhausted. My contractions were down to 20 minutes apart.
Thursday afternoon I called my Midwife in Disguise to fill her in since she new things had picked up the night before but hadn't heard from us. She agreed to meet me at her office after hours. Around 7:30, we did an NST and cervical check - we were so curious, I tried to prepare for "no news" effect but I was 2 cm (instead of 1) 75% and favorable so on a "whim" I let her do a second membrane sweep.
We were home by 8:30 ...at 42 weeks and 3 days....I treated myself to two bowls of mint chip ice cream. After the second bowl I knew it was moving again at atleast 5 m apart - when we went to confirm it was more like 2-3 with 1+ contractions.
After all we'd been through my husband was skeptical and put our son to bed. I was already thinking "call the troops!". By the time he came out of the bedroom I was really rolling so he started cleaning up the kitchen and taking out the trash, sorting things to stay awake and get things in order I imagine. We had both become pretty good at the skepticisim and I was afraid to correct him since the midwife didn't really provide us with a reason to think NOW!
Anyway I went into my zone, he went online... next to me, keeping nearby. Somewhere along the way we decided the doula would work best at the hospital and when we touched base I didn't really indicate anything special or tell her about the membrane sweep, I told her to get rest.
Somewhere around 10p they became 2 minutes apart, at about 1 min long ( I had NO IDEA my body could or would do this to me!)
Around 10pm I made hubby draw me a bath. I didn't care if it slowed labor I wanted pain relief. Unfortunately I really just irritated the heck out of me and wasn't nearly warm enough. Then I had to drag my sorry, contracting self out of the tub and get dressed again. That took a while. It sucked.
About midnight I tried to ask the contractions to slow down so I could skip one or two and rest and I laid on the couch and asked hubby to rub my feet. That lasted 30 seconds, upon which I violently and imediately had to get UP! I was clearly unable to labor with her lying down. Quickly I was on the floor on all fours screaming for a bucket and threw up - I hated and loved that - it was something really going on...though I was sure it wasn't transition yet. I looked at the clock and thought I better tell Mark to get things moving, but I didn't. I was gonna hang in as long as I could.
Fifteen minutes later it was clear to me I could no longer cope with the contractions alone using imagery and inner talk I had had it and I knew I had a long trip to the hospital to meet everyone and get a frigin epidural. I told hubby to call everyone "NOW" we are going to the hospital. He had a moment of irritation because I was making him wake up 3 different households but he survived. Family was on the way to meet us at hospital along with Doula and MD.
The car ride was fun. I really had to focus not to scream and wake our son. Amazingly he had slept through everything at the house. I managed to be quiet for about 10 contax on the highway.
(hopefully not too triggering, but will mention molestation...)
When I arrived at hospital at about one am I HAD to walk from the door to the elevators and through the halls to L&D. There really was no otherway to handle hand off of son and get me situated. I did it, and mentally turned it in its ear... for all those who weren't allowed to walk in. Amazingly I did it with no actual contrac until I dropped my purse and handed off my medical card. This was quite a feat since I was contracting every two minutes, for a minute for the last three hours.
I met the most worn out nurse. I immediately asked if she had seen my birthplan. "NO but we have routines"... she tried to hand me a gown...NOPE hadn't read it for sure - specifically mentioned don't ask me to disrobe or wear a gown as it would be triggering of a molestation when I was 3 and boys played doctor on me.
Sooo. I asked for the alternative. Strip. Great!... that felt all wrong... so I got the old "Screw this" thing out of my back pocket and hid in the shower for about 30 minutes till my team was there. Everyone there knew my story - knew about all the therapy and work and "rules" I came up with to feel safe.
I put on an old ratty shirt I had worn years ago at Reiki retreat...
I was checked and found to be a 5 !!! I just kept saying "All by myself! I did it.". Five was such hard work on Pitocin with the birth of my son (requiring a folly bulb, and I never progressed past 5cm) three years ago.
I asked for the epidural upon which my amazing doula said 'O.K. but lets just try first to calm you down, lets just try'. And for two amazing hours I stared into her eyes as she talked out my focus for each contraction, growing roots... and then I started falling asleep between contractions. I was amazed. Her faith and focus helped me SOOOO much. But eventually the contractions started to really wear me down and I couldn't get "Epidural" out of my head (my thinking based on stories I have read was that sometimes we have to focus on the big goals, not be too stubborn, which I am very guilty of. I had to consider my energy level and whether I would be able to push when we got there.)
I really wanted to have something to give when it came to pushing and I needed rest after all the prodromal labors and latent labors had stolen so much energy reserve. My Doula mentioned getting checked before being sure... and I was at a 7 !!! and so elated I had made it to 7!!! and now give me the epidural... even if it slows things down. Beside Epidurals take so so sooo looong to get established. (wished I had presigned everything just in case).
The epidural was in by 4am, and I tried to sleep but couldn't. I ate peanut butter and honey mix. I closed my eyes and I made myself stop using the epidural button because i wanted to feel my contraction enough to breath for them and be tuned in. Hours and Hours went by, nurses changed shifts. I kinda plateaued at 8+ cm .
It took a while for me to care to get this moving, my energy level was worrysome. I tried making out with DH, which was nice. They broke my water bag and had me sit up to put more baby on the cervix. Still not to much going on.
I called my son to get some "give some" mommy hormones flowing... just after I hung up, I felt Amniotic Fluid gush and gush... and was told she must be moving down with the contractions or turning. What a wonderful sensation.
My amazing MD mentioned maybe a little pitocin was needed. I looked in her eyes... nodded and said "can anyone get me a breast pump?" In wheeled the double milker (lame lame lame but..) I did it, sat there knowing full well I have milk and not really seeing any flow, but I could feel after a bit the contrax get stronger. My annoyance picked up and I asked DH to go get me a sandwich. Chick-fil-A original and Iced tea. Imagine, he was suprised when I ate the whole thing and he had to run off and get another for himself. Turns out I pumped for over an hour and then put it down and told MD about my sandwich and how I could feel more pain. I wanteded a bolous of Epidural. That got her encouraged apparently.
The bolous arrived and while we were discussing how it wouldn't do much for me I said "Wow I can really feel this and I feel poopy". I got my bolus and we decided that all that sitting up must have blocked the epidural too much. But I had my legs. And thinking it was an experimental gesture and asked if we could see how I might work out on my knees they lowered the bed. I flipped right on over. WOW cool, stronger than an epidural.
Then I felt kinda stuck with these poopy feelings... and really wished I could just stop for a minute and go poop. The MD said if it felt pushy then I could push, and she checked me during a contraction and I wasn't "complete" because I was 10 with a "lip". IN my head I got hung up on not being "there yet" but she let me do my thing. If I felt pushy she was fine with that, and she kept her hand in there to tease back the lip.
I heard calls for mineral oil and heard drapes and things... but I didn't feel official and kept asking if I was at the pushing part yet... My doula told me to get out of my head - What mattered was what I felt .... I felt pushy, big POOPY pushy. Anyway my MD coaxed my cervix along and I pushed when I felt the need and really made myself let off that feeling and breath and oxygenate until I couldn't help those pushy feelings any longer. At some point I was calm enought to fix my hair and then...PUSH.
And then it was happening and I was that women or that other women I'd seen in home videos doing it, really doing it, me and my girl were really gonna have our moment... soooo surreal. Still interagting it. I reached back and felt her come at crowning. I pushed though it all and the funny thing was when she was supposed to slide all the way out an I was suppose to feel the big relief my daughter put her stamp on the event and got stuck at the hips, with what they jokingly called later, hip distocia. I had to come up with more to get her out! That was really tough for a moment, where the heck was I suppose to get what I needed to push again? Somehow I found it in me. Then there she was and I was sooo proud of both of us I could hardly speak, breath or cry.
Lots of Blood, probably standard afterbirth experience, and an overnight pit drip for my fairskinned, redheaded bleeding. I had one extremely minor tear thanks to the mineral oil rubbing my MD did and some controlled pushing at the end.
Baby and Momma recovered quickly and are falling in love.
AFTER 4 weeks of prodromal labor and 3 days of Latent Labor (3-5 min apart 1 min long, sessions usually all night) and 18 hours active labor... only 45 min of pushing... here she is!!!
No induction, no pitocin (until after for bleeding), just a membrane sweep after the 2 1/2 days of exhausting "real" labor.
The most amazing VBAC Success. I want to extend a very special THANK YOU to every single mother out there who has ever written her birth story down, posted pictures and videos or openly shared wishes, regrets, experiences and plans. My head was so full of ideas that I navigated this exhausting time suprisingly well. Bless you all.
August 28th, 3:07 pm
Coralynn Eleanor Micheal
9 lbs 3 oz, 21 inches long
42 wks 4 days gestation
Labored Monday night 9p-5am 3-5 min appart...petered out.
Tuesday sent my son to relatives expecting that was hold me back - nothing but some good sleep interupted by not as strong 10m apart contractions.
Wenesday night, nursed my son to bed - contrax started...5 then 3 min then 2 minutes apart... I called the doula who arrived at 3am and confirmed labor. Before dawn it began spacing and petering out. She went home around 9:30am exhausted. My contractions were down to 20 minutes apart.
Thursday afternoon I called my Midwife in Disguise to fill her in since she new things had picked up the night before but hadn't heard from us. She agreed to meet me at her office after hours. Around 7:30, we did an NST and cervical check - we were so curious, I tried to prepare for "no news" effect but I was 2 cm (instead of 1) 75% and favorable so on a "whim" I let her do a second membrane sweep.
We were home by 8:30 ...at 42 weeks and 3 days....I treated myself to two bowls of mint chip ice cream. After the second bowl I knew it was moving again at atleast 5 m apart - when we went to confirm it was more like 2-3 with 1+ contractions.
After all we'd been through my husband was skeptical and put our son to bed. I was already thinking "call the troops!". By the time he came out of the bedroom I was really rolling so he started cleaning up the kitchen and taking out the trash, sorting things to stay awake and get things in order I imagine. We had both become pretty good at the skepticisim and I was afraid to correct him since the midwife didn't really provide us with a reason to think NOW!
Anyway I went into my zone, he went online... next to me, keeping nearby. Somewhere along the way we decided the doula would work best at the hospital and when we touched base I didn't really indicate anything special or tell her about the membrane sweep, I told her to get rest.
Somewhere around 10p they became 2 minutes apart, at about 1 min long ( I had NO IDEA my body could or would do this to me!)
Around 10pm I made hubby draw me a bath. I didn't care if it slowed labor I wanted pain relief. Unfortunately I really just irritated the heck out of me and wasn't nearly warm enough. Then I had to drag my sorry, contracting self out of the tub and get dressed again. That took a while. It sucked.
About midnight I tried to ask the contractions to slow down so I could skip one or two and rest and I laid on the couch and asked hubby to rub my feet. That lasted 30 seconds, upon which I violently and imediately had to get UP! I was clearly unable to labor with her lying down. Quickly I was on the floor on all fours screaming for a bucket and threw up - I hated and loved that - it was something really going on...though I was sure it wasn't transition yet. I looked at the clock and thought I better tell Mark to get things moving, but I didn't. I was gonna hang in as long as I could.
Fifteen minutes later it was clear to me I could no longer cope with the contractions alone using imagery and inner talk I had had it and I knew I had a long trip to the hospital to meet everyone and get a frigin epidural. I told hubby to call everyone "NOW" we are going to the hospital. He had a moment of irritation because I was making him wake up 3 different households but he survived. Family was on the way to meet us at hospital along with Doula and MD.
The car ride was fun. I really had to focus not to scream and wake our son. Amazingly he had slept through everything at the house. I managed to be quiet for about 10 contax on the highway.
(hopefully not too triggering, but will mention molestation...)
When I arrived at hospital at about one am I HAD to walk from the door to the elevators and through the halls to L&D. There really was no otherway to handle hand off of son and get me situated. I did it, and mentally turned it in its ear... for all those who weren't allowed to walk in. Amazingly I did it with no actual contrac until I dropped my purse and handed off my medical card. This was quite a feat since I was contracting every two minutes, for a minute for the last three hours.
I met the most worn out nurse. I immediately asked if she had seen my birthplan. "NO but we have routines"... she tried to hand me a gown...NOPE hadn't read it for sure - specifically mentioned don't ask me to disrobe or wear a gown as it would be triggering of a molestation when I was 3 and boys played doctor on me.
Sooo. I asked for the alternative. Strip. Great!... that felt all wrong... so I got the old "Screw this" thing out of my back pocket and hid in the shower for about 30 minutes till my team was there. Everyone there knew my story - knew about all the therapy and work and "rules" I came up with to feel safe.
I put on an old ratty shirt I had worn years ago at Reiki retreat...
I was checked and found to be a 5 !!! I just kept saying "All by myself! I did it.". Five was such hard work on Pitocin with the birth of my son (requiring a folly bulb, and I never progressed past 5cm) three years ago.
I asked for the epidural upon which my amazing doula said 'O.K. but lets just try first to calm you down, lets just try'. And for two amazing hours I stared into her eyes as she talked out my focus for each contraction, growing roots... and then I started falling asleep between contractions. I was amazed. Her faith and focus helped me SOOOO much. But eventually the contractions started to really wear me down and I couldn't get "Epidural" out of my head (my thinking based on stories I have read was that sometimes we have to focus on the big goals, not be too stubborn, which I am very guilty of. I had to consider my energy level and whether I would be able to push when we got there.)
I really wanted to have something to give when it came to pushing and I needed rest after all the prodromal labors and latent labors had stolen so much energy reserve. My Doula mentioned getting checked before being sure... and I was at a 7 !!! and so elated I had made it to 7!!! and now give me the epidural... even if it slows things down. Beside Epidurals take so so sooo looong to get established. (wished I had presigned everything just in case).
The epidural was in by 4am, and I tried to sleep but couldn't. I ate peanut butter and honey mix. I closed my eyes and I made myself stop using the epidural button because i wanted to feel my contraction enough to breath for them and be tuned in. Hours and Hours went by, nurses changed shifts. I kinda plateaued at 8+ cm .
It took a while for me to care to get this moving, my energy level was worrysome. I tried making out with DH, which was nice. They broke my water bag and had me sit up to put more baby on the cervix. Still not to much going on.
I called my son to get some "give some" mommy hormones flowing... just after I hung up, I felt Amniotic Fluid gush and gush... and was told she must be moving down with the contractions or turning. What a wonderful sensation.
My amazing MD mentioned maybe a little pitocin was needed. I looked in her eyes... nodded and said "can anyone get me a breast pump?" In wheeled the double milker (lame lame lame but..) I did it, sat there knowing full well I have milk and not really seeing any flow, but I could feel after a bit the contrax get stronger. My annoyance picked up and I asked DH to go get me a sandwich. Chick-fil-A original and Iced tea. Imagine, he was suprised when I ate the whole thing and he had to run off and get another for himself. Turns out I pumped for over an hour and then put it down and told MD about my sandwich and how I could feel more pain. I wanteded a bolous of Epidural. That got her encouraged apparently.
The bolous arrived and while we were discussing how it wouldn't do much for me I said "Wow I can really feel this and I feel poopy". I got my bolus and we decided that all that sitting up must have blocked the epidural too much. But I had my legs. And thinking it was an experimental gesture and asked if we could see how I might work out on my knees they lowered the bed. I flipped right on over. WOW cool, stronger than an epidural.
Then I felt kinda stuck with these poopy feelings... and really wished I could just stop for a minute and go poop. The MD said if it felt pushy then I could push, and she checked me during a contraction and I wasn't "complete" because I was 10 with a "lip". IN my head I got hung up on not being "there yet" but she let me do my thing. If I felt pushy she was fine with that, and she kept her hand in there to tease back the lip.
I heard calls for mineral oil and heard drapes and things... but I didn't feel official and kept asking if I was at the pushing part yet... My doula told me to get out of my head - What mattered was what I felt .... I felt pushy, big POOPY pushy. Anyway my MD coaxed my cervix along and I pushed when I felt the need and really made myself let off that feeling and breath and oxygenate until I couldn't help those pushy feelings any longer. At some point I was calm enought to fix my hair and then...PUSH.
And then it was happening and I was that women or that other women I'd seen in home videos doing it, really doing it, me and my girl were really gonna have our moment... soooo surreal. Still interagting it. I reached back and felt her come at crowning. I pushed though it all and the funny thing was when she was supposed to slide all the way out an I was suppose to feel the big relief my daughter put her stamp on the event and got stuck at the hips, with what they jokingly called later, hip distocia. I had to come up with more to get her out! That was really tough for a moment, where the heck was I suppose to get what I needed to push again? Somehow I found it in me. Then there she was and I was sooo proud of both of us I could hardly speak, breath or cry.
Lots of Blood, probably standard afterbirth experience, and an overnight pit drip for my fairskinned, redheaded bleeding. I had one extremely minor tear thanks to the mineral oil rubbing my MD did and some controlled pushing at the end.
Baby and Momma recovered quickly and are falling in love.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Bailout Bust
The more I think about it the more I am against this bailout. Maybe that is the point, maybe that is why there are some solid holdouts in Congress. Sure as shit I don't want the price of my house to fall any further and we could all use the credit markets staying open so we can relocate homes, buy cars and go about our lives.
I doubt that the worst case scenerios are really going to last as long as they say. I'm also starting to think that perhaps it is time to let the Markets of the western world correct themselves. Time for a gas consuming society to see the windfalls of its decisions. See I think this goes back to the Bush administrations decision to ignore the Kyoto Protocol.
Where would we be now if are economy had been allowed a natural slow down while we shifted to smarter fuels and ramped up education in science and engineering eight years ago? How much better off would we be? Eight years is enough time for a new college student to come out on the other side with a masters in engineering. It is enough time to create stronger science teachers, once sophmores in highschool themselves, now two years into an evolved curriculum for middleschoolers. I think eight years is enough time to go to war and yet find ourselves in a place where we don't need to invested in the interestes of the Arab states.
Eight years for our economy to evole, for our cars to become cleaner and greener, our housing to become more efficient. Time we could have slowed the outrageuos growth, the bubble.
Now the goverment is really overinvested in proping up a imaginary ecomony, based on feelings and perception rather than real hard core value. With our consuming ways, larger homes, larger cars we are a weaker nation. We've got toys but we haven't invested properly in brains and progress.
I hate to say it but I totally agree with Ron Paul on this. We should let this play out, let the market fix itself. We need to let supply and demand regulate the markets.
Lets hope we see fewer ads for perscription drugs and more ads for seeds and soil. Lets hope we see fewer ads for flat screen TVs and More ads for advancing our educations. Fewer ads for the next reality show and more ads for greener lightbulbs and solar panels. No more ads for Mc Cain, how about ads for town meetings and action committees. More sidewalks and bycicles, less gastric bypass surgeries.
Also let me say I think we definately need to let the financial institutions that became profiteer, dealing in non-reality fail. They could probably save themselve if they cut the five top paying positions in their companies completely. Let those buggers loose their second and third homes before stripping the average of tax benefits and programs for years to come.
See also http://www.time.com/time/business/article/0,8599,1845209,00.html?cnn=yes
Monday, September 22, 2008
Could the Goverment Take an Interest in Housing Prices?
This morning I read a saucy article about the United States of France online at Time Magazine. It got me thinking about another angle to the looming mortgage, banking, and finacial crisis facing our country. (Why is everyone so suprised by the way. This was thouroughly predicted and reported on by NPR four years ago.)
As the title of my blog would suggest, could the sudden vested interests of the Federal goverment into the debts of major financial institutions cause those number crunchers in WashingtonDC to reconsider the free market of home buying. Could home prices fall under new legislative considerations and be held back or cranked back by a goverment unwilling to over see so many $300 thousand plus loans issued in so many regions of the country.
Will residents of Los Angelos, California or Rockville, Maryland see home prices held down and let the renters of the world finally by in. I suppose it is possible. Of course right now the powers that be will probably declare that we are all free to buy and sell homes as we choose for what we choose. The bottom line however is that in less than a decade regulators in govermant and official at banks will have swapped chairs enough times that none of the will be sure who to route for. With the taste of financial colapse still lingering on their tougues mortgages will start to control the markets. Don't believe me, call a realtor and ask how business is going these days. The likely answer will be lousy, lousy because even though there are buyers, no one will issue mortgages these days, and the local house prices don't mean squat if no one is buying.
Think your house is worth $400,000 after a nice renovation? Think you bought a house in a solid community, with a easy commute, good schools, nice parks, and a high number of police residents coupled with extremely low crime? Sure you did, and you made a smart move, but you won't be able to upgrade or retire right now. The fantasy that you house can get roughly three times its value over ten years ago is gonna be a rough pill to swallow.
Current home owners, especially recent home purchasers are going to suffer. New home buyers, if they can scrape together a down payment and loan stand to benefit enormously from this market. Of course few have been able to find two quarters to rub together in my circle.
Another thought for us all to chew on is how does the increasing financial pressure effect families with stay at home moms? I guess I'll chop that one up next time.
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